True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
