You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is the high leading the old right now
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
