the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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