Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.