Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
