He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
