every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
