my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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