How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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