Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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