i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sext me about skeletons
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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