I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
