There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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