You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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