he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
