trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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