Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.