I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
