I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
