the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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