i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
