You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize