no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
