Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
