are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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