Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I have aggressive nipples.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
