is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
