??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
