I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
