i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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