My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
