Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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