she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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