i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Randomize
