why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
