Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
