Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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