She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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