dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
