His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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