when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
