theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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