your thong is hanging out like whoa
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
