They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
