piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Randomize
