there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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