Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
