dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
