u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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