I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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