Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize