Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
