Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Two words: blizzard sex
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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