You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
