you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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