things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
