new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize