She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
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