tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
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girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.