With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college