She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...