You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!