ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
