i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
