She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My balls are so social today.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
