I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Buhtt sex?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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