I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
