The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
