Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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