I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
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im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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