So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
