so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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