Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
