Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
