I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
