My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
