i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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