Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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