I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
