it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
